Self-Confidence is a Work in Progress

Plus: a very good body lotion and a game to help you relax

Quick Business:

Los Angeles/SoCal Pals: I'm doing this awesome event at the Ripped Bodice in LA on February 13th, and you should come!

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Thinking About Self-Confidence, and Selling My Books

Recently, a friend (Hi, Karin!) remarked that I seem to her like a self-assured person.

This is a very nice thing to say! And I don’t disagree entirely — I do seem self-assured a lot of the time. Maybe I even occasionally am! But there’s a difference between how one comes across vs. how someone actually feels about themself. And on the inside, where the real muck and junk of my psyche lives, I have been plagued with a very painful, chronic dose of low self-esteem and confidence for as long as I can remember.

Many of you know me as a podcaster on Forever35, a job I left last June for a whole bevy of reasons (burnout, health issues, over-scheduling, wanting to talk less about myself and my hemorrhoids in a public space). But also, I was beginning the process of doing some #DEEPERWORK in therapy, including EMDR and trauma work. I wanted to create some space and quiet in my life to really dig into all of that tender shit I’ve avoided and masked for decades, the whys behind the reasons I struggle to feel good about myself. And boy, have I been digging!

I was thinking a lot about all these big feelings yesterday, and the work I’m doing in therapy when I got an email from my esteemed publicist (Hi, Estelle!) reminding me that the Barnes and Noble Pre-Order Sale starts today (and ends 2/7).

I have TWO books — One Last Summer, coming out in paperback on 3/25, and my new book, All’s Fair in Love and Pickleball, out 6/3 — that folks can pre-order right now and get 25% off with the code PREORDER25!

As authors, we talk a lot about why pre-orders are so helpful to us. Pre-order sales directly impact our chances of getting on a bestseller list, because all of those pre-orders from before a book is published count toward its first week of sales, which is when we have the best chance of hitting a list. Good pre-order numbers also show our publishers, and booksellers, that a book has buzz and that an author has excited readers. This helps get our books seen, stocked, and promoted. And, frankly, if an author has good pre-order sales, it can impact their next book deal, a publisher’s desire to work with a writer again, etc, etc. I think you get it.

[The fine folks at Novel Neighbor recently shared a fantastic graphic about this that explains the importance of pre-orders way better than I do.]

It’s easy for me to state these generally accepted truths about pre-orders, but it is a struggle for me to try to harness that self-worth I’m working toward in therapy, and verbalize why I think my books are deserving of pre-orders. It’s a lot to ask someone to spend money on something you make! It’s even harder for me to say it’s because I think my books are good.

But since I am working on this, I am going to try. Here goes.

One Last Summer, my second novel, was the hardest thing I’ve ever written, and I wrote a whole memoir about my mom dying! I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that this book nearly broke me. I rewrote OLS four times, fully tearing it to shreds and starting again. There were many, many times I was certain I would never ever finish, or be able to turn it into something I would use as a coaster for my coffee cup, much less a real book I’d let anyone read.

Somehow, I got there, and I am genuinely proud of myself and this book. I love the romantic tension between the two main characters, Clara and Mack, and the way New Hampshire (my special place) is a calming, quiet presence throughout the book. My own experiences with burnout bubbled up as I wrote Clara’s story, and I think it comes across as an authentic look at mental health.

One Last Summer got some very nice accolades and reader support, but in many ways, I think it still hasn’t totally found its audience yet. I’m so excited that the paperback — with its shiny new cover! — will give it a whole new chance to land with folks. It’s a breezy and fun summer romance with witty banter, a hunky love interest, some steamy moments (an outdoor shower!), and an honest look at burnout from someone who’s been there.

Okay, on to All’s Fair in Love and Pickleball. Before this book had a title, I referred to it as my “Pickleball Fuck Book.” It was a joke, obviously, but it is my steamiest book by far. As a person raised within the Puritan confines of Massachusetts, I truly blush every time I revise the sex scenes in this book. It’s spicy! It’s fun! There is a full-on pickleball court SCENE. These two get into some sexy shenanigans.

I think I do some of my sharpest writing in this book; I feel like a stronger writer now, four books in, which is another thing I’m proud of. All’s Fair incorporates some of my most favorite tropes — enemies to lovers, fake dating, forced proximity — and I felt like I could really play as I wrote it. The biggest surprise of this book, for me, is that it explores grief, too, specifically mother loss. Our main character, Bex, is trying to sustain her family racquet club business in the wake of her mom’s death, and partners up with a brooding, injured tennis pro to try to win the big cash prize in a local pickleball tournament. I had no idea I’d be tapping into my own experience of losing my mom whilst writing my Pickleball Fuck Book! Writing is such a mysterious, magical process sometimes. Also, behold, the physical inspiration for Niko, our fictional grumpy tennis bb:

His name is Matteo Berrettini and he somehow is a REAL HUMAN?!

So there you have it, my honest reasons as to why you should pre-order these books, whether in this Barnes and Noble sale, or from your favorite bookstore. (And yes, I probably will talk about this in therapy.)

If you pre-order All’s Fair in Love and Pickleball please hold on to your receipt because I will be doing more fun pre-order giveaway-type things over the next few months. And hey, if you pre-order either of these books this week, shoot me an email and let me know! If you pass along your mailing address, I’ll send you some snail mail to say thanks :)

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Four Favorites: Things I’m Into Right Now

• ColorKu is like sudoku but with colored balls, played on a wooden board, and I fucking LOVE IT. It’s challenging but somehow also soothing. I mostly play alone, or sometimes my kids join me and we work together. It is a great comfort game, and a wonderful alternative to my fave activity, phone scrolling.

• EOS Vanilla Cashmere Body Lotion — my daughter gave this to me for Christmas, and I’ve been surprised by how much I like it. The texture is rich but it absorbs well, and the scent is warm and delicious and perfect for winter.

• During the peak of my wildfire/political anxiety last month, I took a break from social media and Ezra Klein’s podcast and tried to find a low-stakes audiobook to listen to that would not send me spiraling. I downloaded Moon Unit Zappa’s autobiography, Earth to Moon, on Libby and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I knew very little about Moon aside from vaguely being aware of her “Valley Girl” song and stint as an MTV VJ in the 80s. My only reference point for her dad, Frank Zappa, was that I love when Phish covers his song “Peaches en Regalia”. Turns out, there’s a whole lot of fascinating, dysfunctional family shit there, and it makes for a moving read/listen.

• I’m not proud of this, but I can’t stop watching Beast Games. It is must-see TV in our house, a show we all gather to watch together the second it comes out. Yes, it’s fun to watch Mr. Beast do his usual over-the-top stunt competitions on a larger scale, but what is more interesting about the show is that it’s also a very dark and depressing look at America, capitalism, and money. Oof. It’s wild. You should watch it!

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In Conclusion…

I’m still binge-watching The Golden Girls, and this GIF of Dorothy on a game show is exactly what I look like when I open up the news on my phone and try to pick just one thing to panic about:

Lots of love to you all out there,

Kate