Imperfect Rituals

AND A COSTCO MEMBERSHIP GIVEAWAY!

May 31, 2026

For the last few months, I have been incorporating some new practices in my life that have felt both useful and meaningful. I’ve wanted to write about them here, in Newsletter Town, for a while. But I’ve been holding back from doing so because I’ve also been telling myself that I’m not doing these practices perfectly yet, and therefore deemed them not worthy of being shared.

But I’m also trying to break this lifelong cycle of rigid, unrealistic perfectionism. Or at least, throw a wrench in it from time to time. And so, I’m going to start sharing. And I’ll be asking others to share with me, too.

(I briefly spoke about one of these practices, which I call my Pep Talk Journal, on the 400th episode of my old stomping ground Forever35 and I’ll be sharing more about it in a future newsletter. But here’s a sneak peek of the kind of stuff I write in there:)

Perfectionism has been a long, strange companion throughout my life. I’ve always been confused by my own relationship to it, because I identify a perfectionist as a sort of Type A striver who is obsessed with doing everything right and executes on that desire 100% of them time. A Tracy Flick type, if you will. And this is very much not me.

I’m more of an ‘intensely and obsessively worry about doing a task perfectly so much so that I am unable to even complete one small step of it,” kind of gal. It turns out, this is also a faction of perfectionism, called “Perfectionistic Concerns.” To quote this random website:

“Perfectionistic [concerns] relate to the individual’s level of worry or anxiety about making mistakes, doubts about their own actions, feelings that there is a discrepancy between their own standards and their own performance or actions, worries that others will negatively judge them for mistakes or failures to be perfect, or a negative emotional reaction to situations that do not meet their exacting demands.”

I’ve always been worried about doing “things” exactly right, and then letting this fear/concern/obsession stop me from doing said “things.” When I was nine, for example, I asked my parents to sign me up for a soccer team only to quit before the first practice because I was so terrified I would do soccer wrong. This confused them; I’d been so adamant about my desire to play soccer, they couldn’t figure out why I abruptly changed my mind. Indeed, I was also confused as to how to explain this to them, as a nine-year-old who did not yet understand her unique brain chemistry.

As a kid, this side of myself felt shameful, and I faced it with good old fashioned self-loathing. As an adult, I’ve been trying to approach it with a lot more love and compassion. Deepening my understanding of ADHD and OCD, and the ways in which systems can support my neurodivergence, has been a really fulfilling part of this. It turns out I enjoy figuring out and developing practices that enhance my life and make my day to day more manageable, and I’m extremely curious about how other people do this in their own lives. This applies to my creative work, as an author, and also the very boring, executive function-type stuff that makes up most of my day, like getting out of bed, managing emails, or doing the dishes.

I’ve changed the name of my newsletter to reflect this interest. I want to share what’s worked for me and what’s still a work in progress, and talk to other people about their own rituals, all with the understanding that none of this is done perfectly. Nor should it be.

(If you have a practice/ritual/habit/or other semi-regular thing you do that helps you in some way, please message me. I’d love to chat with you!)

On that note, I am THRILLED to get to do a little giveaway here. As many of you know, one of my most treasured rituals is shopping at Costco. A few weeks ago I was invited to attend an Olay event celebrating the launch of their Super Serum Day + Night AT COSTCO. Needless to say, this was a dream come true for Costco Executive Member Kate Spencer. Here I am, beaming:

We were treated to a VISIA skin analysis, and a lunch from the Food Court. I got the Chicken Bake!

And the best news is: I have a bottle of Olay Super Serum AND a Costco Shop card to give away to one of you. The gift card is valued at $130, which can be used to purchase a Costco Executive Membership. Or, if you’re already a Costco member, can be used to purchase 22 rotisserie chickens.

To enter, you must be a subscriber of this newsletter and live in the US. Please click the button below to submit an entry. I’ll keep this contest open until my birthday, July 10th, 2026.

Enter the giveway!

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