Reclaiming My Brain

I'm sick of scrolling.

Please help me realize my dream of having a book about people hooking up on a pickleball court reach number one on the NY Times Bestseller List!!!

All’s Fair In Love and Pickleball is out June 3rd, and pre-ordering is the best way to help me make this very far-flung fantasy of mine come true.

If pre-ordering is not for you, please add it to your Goodreads bookshelf or request your library carry it! All of this helps so much, and I appreciate it.

(If you pre-order, save your receipt, I’ve got fun stuff for folks who pre-order on the horizon! More info on signed books will be coming soon, too. And events! Woohoo!)

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Ask Me Anything

I’ve been toying with the idea of occasionally recording a podcast here on Substack as a compliment to this newsletter, to check in, chat, or answer questions from time to time. Send me a question or life observation below, and I’ll try to record a response episode this month.

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Reclaiming My Brain

In the last couple of months I’ve stumbled across quite a few TikToks of teachers sounding the warning bell that their students have ZERO attention span or ability to focus. The Atlantic wrote a piece about college students not being able to read books because they simply aren’t used to longform content. That dude wrote that very important book about how screens have ruined our kids and everyone shared excerpts from it online. You know the one. I…didn’t read it. Can you guess why?

Because kids and college students aren’t the only ones messed up by the dopamine machines tucked into the pockets of their giant jeans.

I’ve long struggled with phone addiction, and if you’ve followed me over the last few years you’ve probably heard me talk about the many attempts I’ve made at curbing it. I’ve failed over and over. But the last couple of months have felt, let’s say, especially bad. The LA fires in January quite literally required us to be glued to our phones for our own safety, and I haven’t put mine down since. I’ve also, like so many Americans, been sucked into every political information hole possible. My ears are practically aching from the amount of political podcasts I’ve been binging. I can’t seem to function without a firehouse of information blasting me in the face at all times, but this also makes me feel absolutely terrible. And, if I’m being honest, sort of ashamed. It’s gotten so bad that I have barely been able to read a book since January.

Social media obviously plays a big part in all of this, but as I ponder my current situation, I see a larger problem: it is the act of scrolling that really hooks me. I can remove Facebook from my phone, for example, or take a break from reading the seven billion news outlets I subscribe to. But once those are off limits I immediately open Redfin, The Real Real, or ThreadUp. I am not in the market for a house, or a new designer bag, or even a solid J Crew sweater in good used condition. I simply crave the scroll. And I’m sick of it.

Luckily, I’m able to identify the things that also bring me great joy outside of my phone, and I’m making a concerted effort to find my way back. So much of this involves community and human connection. I’ve been playing mahjong, and have loved my pickleball league, and volunteering regularly. These things offer hopeful glimmers of the direction I want to go in.

Socializing AND using my brain!

I want my brain back, badly. I want to reclaim it, to make it mine again, away from the influence of apps and algorithms. But how badly do I want this? Is my desire to climb out of the scrolling void stronger than the pull it has on me? We’ll find out! Because I’ve recently put a plan into action, with a checklist to follow for the month of April. I’m sharing it for accountability and because maybe someone here might find it useful and want to join me in this journey of taking back our brains.

Here’s the actual Note I made in my phone a few days ago (because of course I wrote it on my phone. Sigh.):

Social/Scrolling Media off phone

Facebook and TikTok are now off my phone. I’ve never really used BlueSky or Threads, but had them on my phone anyway. They’re gone. Shopping apps: gone. All notifications are turned off. I’ve kept NY Times, NPR, and the Apple News apps but I’d love to get rid of them too, and just view news on my iPad, which I use much less. Instagram remains, as I use it to connect with readers (and friends), but I am using my Brick to block it for most of the day.

If you’re not familiar with the Brick, it is a small little device with a magnet backing that you tap — like a credit card machine — to block and unblock apps on your phone. It’s great and works way better for me than apps like Opal and Freedom. I’m also trying to schedule out my Instagram posts on Later, to avoid being directly on the app.

I am a hardcore DuoLingo user but tend to save it for the end of the day, which means I’m on my phone right before bed. I’m trying to get my Duo done earlier in the day, and have my phone on it’s charger in the kitchen by 9PM. No phone when watching TV, etc.

20 minute walk each day with no phone

I literally walk out of my house, set a timer on my watch, and head out on a walk with my dogs. I often go over 20 minutes, which is great! I love walks for thinking, brainstorming, processing, and resettling. But I’ve gotten very reliant on walking and listening to a podcast or audiobook, and so I am putting Michael Barbaro and his “uh-huhs” and “hms” on pause for a bit while I try to be more present with the natural world around me.

Junk Journal

I’ve written before about how much I love my junk journal, and this is a reminder to make it a priority. (I already do a gratitude journal and one line a day journal nightly before bed.)

Read 10 minutes a day

I am not kidding when I tell you I have barely been able to read. It honestly feels mortifying to even admit this out loud. My focus is absolute shit right now. I’ve set the bar very low in order to hopefully set myself up for success here. I set a timer and read a book for ten minutes (and can obviously go longer, if I want). That’s it.

Music over podcasts

I love podcasts, both as a listener and former podcaster. However I do think they provide a similar, over-stimulating dopamine hit for me as scrolling, and I’m trying to recalibrate. Is doom-listening a thing? If not, it should be, because I do it. At times it feels like I can’t do anything — dishes, cleaning, walking, driving — without someone talking in my ears. I currently have Spotify’s Indie Chill Out playlist on in the background as I write this. Music! It’s nice.

Exercise every day

The 20 minute walks count. I just want to move more, stretch more, foam roll, and be able to dead lift one billion pounds. Movement also connects me to my breath, and while meditating is not listed here (too lofty for me right now!), I do find movement calms my mind. And, if you can’t tell, my mind is active.

Lights out 11PM mandatory

As much as I wish 10pm was a realistic bedtime for me, it ain’t happening. 11pm I think I can do.

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How are you feeling about scrolling these days? Does any of this sound familiar to you? Do you have techniques or tools you use to limit your reliance on your phone? Let me know, I’m all ears and I’d love to hear about your own journeys with this stuff. It’s so damn hard.

xoxo,

Kate